Courtney Won't Like This

But it's her birthday, so she'll have to deal with it.

Tony and Courtney, fifteen years and many pairs of eyeglasses ago.

It’s become a bit of a meme when an evangelical pastor refers in his social media bio to his “Smokin’ Hot Wife” — SHW for short. I would never do such a thing, of course, because I have standards. And Courtney doesn’t think it’s funny.

I’m reluctant even to write about Courtney — about us — for a couple reasons. One, I tend to be a jaded, cynical asshole. So when people post on their spouses’ birthdays about how in love they are, etc., I usually think it’s more performative than authentic. (“Oooh, I wonder if their marriage is in trouble,” I wonder in the I-think-he-doth-protest-too-much way.)

And second, Courtney does not aspire to be a public person. Sure, she stands up in front of groups to lead yoga and to teach about the Enneagram. But she has no desire to be famous. Unlike her husband.

My desire to be a public person took a bit of a hit this month. I’ll write about that at some point in the future, but suffice it to say that it’s been a rough couple weeks. I have, for the first time in my adult life, considered retiring from public life — closing all the social media accounts, my website, this Substack.

I can’t do that yet. I’m in the middle of a big project studying the “nones” — more about that soon, too — I’m still promoting my new book, and I’m going to pen another book in 2025. And, frankly, I cannot afford to retire.

But I did think about it, about what it would feel like not to have any interaction with the people who are reading my books, not to be getting on a plane for speaking gigs, not to be thinking about what I’d write on Thursday mornings. A completely private life, unimaginable to me a few years ago, is becoming more and more attractive.

These are not the kind of things that Courtney thinks about.